hegemony

No, I don't mind, actually.

A few weeks ago you mentioned the story Nisay. That story hits home for me for three simple reasons: one, I betaed that story (yes, I am one of those idiots who advised her and who was very, very wrong), two, I'm very good friends IRL with that author, and three, because of one and two I've been accused as a FOC traitor. While I understand that there were elements of that story that made the whole thing completely and totally offensive to readers, I had buried that hatchet with her and with my offer to beta. The author and I talked about it, and we've had our friendship strained because of it. My identity as a fan of color has become stained by the fact that I looked at it first and did not sit the girl down and say 'you are wrong, this is wrong, and this offends me deeply, little miss white girl'. Instead, I raised a red flag that she was portraying the killing fields as something one could easily gloss over, and that she had to sit down and rethink that if she was going to include it. That suggestion still pretty much haunts me, even though the story was posted at least two or three years ago.

In the last few weeks, you've mentioned it or linked to posts that mention it a few times. It's a festering wound in my memories of fandom, and I don't want to think of you when thinking of the backlash I faced in a very personal way for proofreading a story.

I defriended you because, while I understand and in retrospect agree with you, I don't like bringing Nisay up in any accord, and would prefer to not read about you doing it either. I'm sure this makes you change your opinion of me, and I don't quite know what to do about that. It's one of the reasons why I don't particularly friend FOC BNs, and it's one of the many reasons why I don't particularly write meta, even though there are times where I do think it could do some good.

I can't make you promise that you won't bring it up again, that's ridiculous and mad douchey. You didn't know me back then and it's not like I mentioned it to you. Furthermore, to put things in perspective, it seems as though all the cool kids who want to play in the 'appropriation' debate that's going on right now have dragged her and that story back out to beat it with sticks just one more time. It's not a plea to get over it, or a defense as to how Stella used Cambodia in that story was okay. It's just...it's very uncomfortable for me to talk about, that's all.

So I was going to PM you and tell you about this after my defriending spree was over. You just got to me first. I consider you good people, and that you didn't particularly know so it's pretty hard to blame you. However, I don't quite know if you understand the position I'm in with this kind of material, and when that happens, I usually just throw my hands up and defriend first, asking questions later.

I'd love to start a conversation about this, but I'm skeptical. I've also gone through this with other friends, and could probably make a bingo card all my own about it, too.

ETA: I didn't realize it before I sent this, but It's worth saying: I love you. I appreciate you as a friend. However, I didn't know how to present this to you, or if it would even be worth it. And while it may make an awkward situation even more awkward, I want to you know how much I hate the fact that I had to resort to this.